Of all the countless nicknames and shortenings of my name, which already is pretty damn short (Megan, it’s five letters people), the one that has stuck the longest is Mega-Mooch. Why couldn’t it just be Meg? I can deal with the stupid Family Guy references all day, but not this. Mega mooch will probably be on my tombstone.
Now, you may be wondering, what does this even mean? What’s a mooch? WELL, a ‘mooch’ is a name for someone who steals your food, and ‘mega’ means ‘super.’ So, my nickname is, basically, the “super stealer of food.”
You are also probably wondering, how do you even maintain a relationship with any one? Stealing food? WHAT KIND OF PERSON ARE YOU?
I SWEAR it’s not my fault. Eighteen years ago, I’d stand next to the table, unable to see the magnificent beauty atop it. Oh, I know where my addiction started. Now, my tactics were pretty covert. Obviously I couldn’t say “give me food,” so I used a more subtle approach.
I sat with my mouth open next to anyone eating, just to slightly hint that I wanted food. It was a difficult task, but I must have gotten my point across because shortly after, my name became Mega-Mooch. Someday when I become a super hero, fighting for the environment and the people of the world, I just hope this isn’t my name. Damn that’d be lame.
So, yes I am that annoying friend that always wants a taste of your food. If it looks good, I’m in. The fortunate thing for you though is that my other nickname is bird. Although I’ll be that bitch that steals your food, I’ll only take a little and be on my way.